Where Have I Been?

"I'm going to the grocery store, can I get you anything?" "Lays Plain Baked Chips please!"

Well, well, well, look who decided to keep blogging? I bet you all thought I had given up. Quite the contrary. 

I actually went to camp for a week (NOT bringing my laptop to that, it's my time away from real life) and then had surgery. I'll get into the details of surgery when I feel ready. It's still pretty fresh (less than 12 days ago!) and I'm still adjusting.

The good news is that I'm alive and well and back to stay.

I am going to use this post as basically a splatter of word vomit to gush about my current obsessions. I am taking a semester off of university to recover so I've developed some interests to keep myself occupied. They are, as follows:

1. Home Decor

• A friend of mine who also blogs runs a home renovation/decor company (see her blog here!) and I was talking to her about it and I'm hooked. I have no less than 5 home decor magazines on the go right now, follow a few twitter accounts, follow a few blogs, I'm a woman obsessed. My parents agreed to let me design the renovation for their ensuite bathroom and I'm thrilled!

2. Lays Baked Plain Chips

• They're not flavourful. They're very plain, but for some reason I love them. I always have. I first tried them alongside a Subway sandwich but now I can't stop. They're slightly salty, and easy to digest. The perfect Crohnie snack. 

Cuties like this are so fun!

              3. Claw Clips

• I don't know why I am 20 years into figuring out this, but claw clips don't leave an elastic bump in your hair....AND they create the illusion of having more hair, which for me isn't a bad thing. Mine is so thin.

                  4. Pinterest

• When I first got my account, I didn't think much of it. I got it to share ideas with a photographer for a shoot that I was doing makeup for. But recently, with my inability to do whatever I want, I've been pinning up a storm of dream boards, plans and other thrills for the future. 

I'm back now with vengeance and I WILL be posting more regularly. 

Stay strong beauties!

The New Magazine

It's no secret that the experience of pooping is, well, an experience. 

A lot of people need some entertainment while they wait to drop off the kids to the pool. In the olden days this meant reading a book or magazine, sometimes doing a crossword if you really needed some stimulation. Or, at worst, the back of shampoo bottles and toothpaste tubes. And then came the birth of smartphones. 

Pooping was changed forever. 

With apps, texting, internet and ebooks, taking a dump has never been so fun. 

With modern technology I think some people take it a little too far....I know people the being their entire laptop into the loo to watch a movie while they drop a deuce. That's just a bit unnecessary. At least in my opinion. 

However, there are few things worse for a hard core Crohnie than settling into the bathroom for a good 20 minute session and realizing I forgot my iPhone. I actually feel devastated. (I'm a bit of a drama queen). 

With the world of apps, sources of entertainment when you need to go number two are infinite. However, as a person with Crohn's, my apps need to have a couple qualities to pass the bathroom test. 

It has to be interesting enough to be able to distract me from my pain, and has to be quiet (for public bathrooms) but it can't be overly interactive just in case I'm in too much pain to move my fingers for a few moments. 

Here are my favourite apps for the lav:

1. Twitter - it's my go to. I check in to see what's going on with other people with chronic illnesses. Misery lives company. (Follow me on twitter: @chronicbeauty12)

2. Imgur - it's simply images. You scroll through and there are memes, posters, jokes, cute animals, amazing photography, really anything. It's AMAZING to distract from the pain. 

3. Solitaire - this one is great because you don't need service or wifi to play. 

4. Wanelo - this one is really girlie. It's basically a bunch of products and the websites that sell them. Not the most exciting. But it really helps me, when I can focus on something pretty. 

5. Places I've Pooped - this hilarious app basically drops a virtual pin on a map documenting all the places you've dropped a dookie. It's fun to go back and look at all of the places where I've left a stink. (My map is crowded with pins!) 

I LOVE Toilet Humour

"I am better at describing the intricacies of poo than wine" 

No sense in wasting TP when it's just a Pee ;)

I can credit my sense of humour with keeping me from sliding into huge depressions at every flare up of my Crohn's disease.

There is a VERY special place in my heart for toilet humour, and basically NOTHING can gross me out. 

This is a musical number performed by the hit show Scrubs, that I think every person with IBD should see, and probably memorize. 

Man is it catchy.

Sit back, enjoy and listen to my Crohnie theme song: Everything Comes Down to Poo

Lub de Dub

"Listen to the heart, you will hear it. Lub de dub. Lub de dub."

As a particularly talkative, understanding and articulate patient I was often guilted into agreeing to do medical student teachings as an inpatient at my children's hospital. It was a teaching student and I was a good teacher, so I always felt obligated even though I felt awful. 

This one time, I got roped into doing a two hour long basic physical teaching session to a bunch of new med students. It was awful. I was really sick and I didn't know it was going to be two hours long when I agreed to it. 

When they walked in, they were four, young, male, extremely attractive med students. McDreamy McSteamy McHottie and McSexdream. All of a sudden it wasn't SOOOO bad. I was 13, I wasn't going to pass up two hours staring at some hotties instead of my deadpan, way outdated hospital wallpaper. 

Even with their hotness, after about an hour and a half of listening to one of my gastroenterologists (Crohn's doctors) talk to the students and have them poke and prod at me I was almost at my wits end. 

There is something you have to remember about doing med school teachings. They don't have experience. They have to really dig to feel anything because they don't know what anything feels like. They were supposed to be feeling my poor, inflamed, sore colon, it felt more like they were digging for my kidneys which reside almost in your back.... OUCH.

My GI started explaining to the four, McMedStudents about how the heart sounds. My GI was from central asia. I'm not sure if it was India or Pakistan or somewhere around there, I couldn't tell (forgive me), but in order to explain the sound of the heart beat he began saying "Lub de dub, lub de dub. you will hear the lub de dub, lub de dub". 

I was sick and tired so restraining my giggles wasn't tooo difficult, but the med students didn't fair as well. I saw the corners of their mouth being tugged towards their ears as their will power was tested. 

 Then, IT happened.

Something happened I never thought I would ever witness in my life. Something I have never witnessed since.

Mid sentence, my GI reached behind himself, and ungracefully picked a wedgie through his white lab coat!!! He never even stopped talking!!!

My mouth dropped. 

I looked around to see if anyone else had just experienced what I had. 

They had. Only two. My mother. And one poor, med student. Lets call him McScarred-for-Life now.

I couldn't handle it. I broke. I couldn't stifle my laughter. Neither could my mom. Neither could McScarred-for-Life. 

I crammed my blanket into my mouth, turned my head in laughing shame. I'm going to hell for sure. 

It was one of the most hilarious moments I have ever experienced in my life as a Professional Sick Person.

Tell me yours!

My War With The Mirror

"I feel fat." "Fat is not a feeling, what do you really feel?"

Jr high, middle school, that little waste land between elementary school and high school, what ever you want to call it, is a rough time for just about everyone. Especially physically. It's the years of bad acne, braces, growth spurts, puberty, and really bad smells. Eugh. I never want to go back there. Thank god it's over.

                        Jr. High......

Those years feel like your body is totally out of control even for someone without a chronic illness. But for me, they were horrendous. Not only was I going through all of the normal changes that young teens do, my body was also being morphed by both my disease and my medications. 

When I started Jr. high at age 12, I had been really sick, so I came in weighing a paltry 90lbs. I was put on prednisone, and before Christmas I was up to (a much healthier) 115lbs. Still extremely small, butting was such a drastic change, I was devastated. This was the first of many rapid weight fluxuations I would fa over the next 8 years. 

I had no way to cope, no strategies to deal with my anguish, and I began to develop a very poor body image. 

My self-esteem was ok. I was able to recognize qualities in myself, like my ability to make people laugh, my intelligence, my communication skills, that made me realize I was a worth while person, I just hated the shell I was living in. 

At 12 years old I had stretch marks, love handles, acne, braces, thin hair, puffy cheeks, and I hated it all. I don't know if I've ever fully recovered from that initial blow to my relationship with my body. On top of it all, my body was weak from illness and wasn't recovering. I felt so betrayed. My body wasn't beautiful, (At least I didn't believe it was), it couldn't do anything wonderful, like push-ups. Or the splits, or run, or jump, or anything like that, it didn't even work well as a body as basic function. 

No wonder I had issues.

It's taken a lot of time to build up the love for my body. I really have to credit dance (as seen in this post) for renewing my faith in my body's ability to do something admirable, makeup, clothing, and my boyfriend for helping me believe that I am beautiful and desirable, and my unwavering hope for remission, that someday, my body will be normal. 

Ignore this mess below. My iPad wouldn't let me delete it. It was a failed link attempt. 

► 1:01► 1:01 www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFbvq8BYEnI

► 1:01► 1:01

A Puppy a Day Keeps My Crohn's at Bay

"I love dogs. And kitties. And llamas. Actually all animals."

From the time that I was born until I was about 8 years old my family had a valley bulldog. He was kind of mean looking, but honestly acted more like a cat. He just liked to lay in the sun. I feel deep down in the heart of my brain that he is the reason for my love and lack of fear, of animals. 

Animals play a really special part in my life. I personally believe that animals have an innate ability to recognize when someone needs them. When I'm sick, I swear that animals zoom towards me. Not so much cats, although my cat does tend to nap with me when I'm sick. 

               Llama animal therapy! 

But dogs, goats, sheep, and other larger mammals always seem to gravitate towards me. 

I don't have my own pet now due to living in university housing, so I shamelessly mooch off other people's furry children. Mostly dogs. 

I have a couple that I visit regularly, and it's kind of embarrassing but their pups won't leave my side while I'm there. I don't even feed them treats or anything. They just never leave me, and I love it. 

I find animals bring a sense of calm, contentness into me. I relax and smile and pet. It slows me down and makes me feel so much better. It's just like that scene from 50/50 when the main character gets a greyhound named Skeletor.

My top picks for dogs that I want:

Grey hound

Great Dane

Standard poodle