Lub de Dub

"Listen to the heart, you will hear it. Lub de dub. Lub de dub."

As a particularly talkative, understanding and articulate patient I was often guilted into agreeing to do medical student teachings as an inpatient at my children's hospital. It was a teaching student and I was a good teacher, so I always felt obligated even though I felt awful. 

This one time, I got roped into doing a two hour long basic physical teaching session to a bunch of new med students. It was awful. I was really sick and I didn't know it was going to be two hours long when I agreed to it. 

When they walked in, they were four, young, male, extremely attractive med students. McDreamy McSteamy McHottie and McSexdream. All of a sudden it wasn't SOOOO bad. I was 13, I wasn't going to pass up two hours staring at some hotties instead of my deadpan, way outdated hospital wallpaper. 

Even with their hotness, after about an hour and a half of listening to one of my gastroenterologists (Crohn's doctors) talk to the students and have them poke and prod at me I was almost at my wits end. 

There is something you have to remember about doing med school teachings. They don't have experience. They have to really dig to feel anything because they don't know what anything feels like. They were supposed to be feeling my poor, inflamed, sore colon, it felt more like they were digging for my kidneys which reside almost in your back.... OUCH.

My GI started explaining to the four, McMedStudents about how the heart sounds. My GI was from central asia. I'm not sure if it was India or Pakistan or somewhere around there, I couldn't tell (forgive me), but in order to explain the sound of the heart beat he began saying "Lub de dub, lub de dub. you will hear the lub de dub, lub de dub". 

I was sick and tired so restraining my giggles wasn't tooo difficult, but the med students didn't fair as well. I saw the corners of their mouth being tugged towards their ears as their will power was tested. 

 Then, IT happened.

Something happened I never thought I would ever witness in my life. Something I have never witnessed since.

Mid sentence, my GI reached behind himself, and ungracefully picked a wedgie through his white lab coat!!! He never even stopped talking!!!

My mouth dropped. 

I looked around to see if anyone else had just experienced what I had. 

They had. Only two. My mother. And one poor, med student. Lets call him McScarred-for-Life now.

I couldn't handle it. I broke. I couldn't stifle my laughter. Neither could my mom. Neither could McScarred-for-Life. 

I crammed my blanket into my mouth, turned my head in laughing shame. I'm going to hell for sure. 

It was one of the most hilarious moments I have ever experienced in my life as a Professional Sick Person.

Tell me yours!