"They're crazy. All of them!"
Roommates are difficult to live with when you spend months planning, deciding and agreeing with when you are about to live with some of your best and closest friends. Getting strangers as roommates is QUITE the experience. Let me fill you in on some of the characters I had to share a living space with over the past month.
Nervous Nelly - This girl was a few years older than me, the only other patient under 60. She was only there for one night. They wheeled her in in the evening, and she got very upset that she wasn't in a private room. I mean, come on, you're there for ONE NIGHT. The next day when doctors removed her stitches she nearly had an anxiety attack. It was exhausting to be around someone who was so on edge.
Bedpan - This woman had been in the hospital since October. Like forever. I dont know what she was in for, but it wasn't good and she was on 5 days bed rest. Which meant she used the bed pan. Ew. One time she had a phone conversation WHILE TAKING A DUMP ON THE BED PAN.....I don't understand why these people exist...
Dilaudid Queen - This woman was small and spry and a smoker and she looooooved her dilaudid. She took more meds in her week after surgery than I did in my 21 days. She would request a 4mg dilaudid and then another 2mg breakthrough tab less than an hour later. Not good. 2mg was what they would give me the whole time, even after my surgery. Towards the end she would request pain meds, nap, then go for a long walk...someone in that much pain wouldn't be able to walk much. Just sayin'.
The Whale - This woman had a weight problem. I feel bad nicknaming her the whale, but I couldn't come up with something that wasn't mean at all. She had a stomach stapling surgery, and for her sake, thank god. Her weight was obviously at a very risky level. She had to turn sideways to get in the bathroom, and that was all the walking she did. I felt bad for her actually because I would pass my evenings eating chips and soda crackers with margarine while she was only allowed broths. Ouch. I love food. I hope things go well for her.
The Grinch - This woman was in the bed accross from me who sat there looking sour all hours of the day. She won the curtain off with me. This basically means we had a stand off. She won. I drew my curtain, sacrificing space for minimal privacy. I never forgave her for that.
Nurse Ratchet - Well, well, well, Nurse Ratchet. What a character. This woman was a retired nurse, which is essentially all of the nurses worst nightmare. I once heard an experienced nurse use the phrase that nurses "eat their young". This is what Nurse Ratchet did. Every little thing that a nurse would do she would nitpick apart, criticize and complain about. She also made them remove her catheter right after her surgery, despite the fact that she had a bladder condition. She used a commode. She would hop on the commode and ride that thing like a motor cycle. It was traumatizing. She was just so awful to the nurses. They didn't deserve it.
The Forgetful Commode - There was this little old lady, literally, she was 90, who was in the bed next to me for some part of it. The poor dear had Alzheimer's. But oh my goodness that sure made things so irritating. She would wake up in the middle of the night and pull up the curtain and ask me where she was. She also never called the nurses when her IV beeped off, so eventually I just started doing it for her. It was sad that she was losing her memory, but it made being her roommate a job in and of itself.
Mrs. Cranky - Mrs. Cranky. Where do I even begin? This lady was probably in her 80s. I don't think she had a very major surgery done, but boy oh boy she made a big deal of it. She wasn't losing her memory, but she was losing her hearing and her marbles. She was almost completely deaf, which meant that all the staff had to basically yell at her so that she could hear them, which meant some very abrupt wakeup calls for me in the middle of the night. Mrs. Cranky would sift in and out of sleep, randomly yelling in between her snoozes. One time, when my best friend was visiting me, she woke up, yelled "Debbie, I thought we were friends!" and promptly went back to sleep. Let me put it this way, there was no Debbie. At least not around us. Mrs. Cranky would refuse to use her incentive spirometer. She also refused to get up and even attempt to walk, stand, or even sit in a chair. She also abused the nurses. Playing mind games like yelling at them saying "I am requesting a transfer" or "Why are you punishing me? What did I ever do to you?" When they did nothing but cater to her every whim. Mrs. Cranky also had problems with incontinence. . . big problems. I'm talking 3 times in 2 hours in the middle of the night. Kill me. That mean 3 bed changes and a lot of yelling. Mrs. Cranky eventually ended up getting moved to a private room because of all the grief she caused. Lucky bitch.
Needless to say, I never want to share my living space with anyone, ever again.
Needless to say, I never want to share my living space with anyone, ever again.
