"Have you told him yet?" "No, I'm going to though"
Dating is complicated to say the least. Dating when you're a teenager is messy at best. Dating when you're a teenager with a chronic illness can be a downright disaster.
But it doesn't have to be.
This isn't about me giving advice. Not this post anyway. Consider this issue one, of about a novel long amount of writing that I could do on this subject. This post is simply to validate how freaking difficult it is to engage in a relationship when you have a chronic illness. Just to start it up and sharing my experience with just that.
First of all, you have to consider the original relationship you have to the person. Is it a friend you've had for a while whose been there through some ups and downs? Is it someone else with a chronic illness? Is it someone healthy that you just met?
So many questions run through your head when you start thinking that you want to spend more time with this person in a romanical way, other than the whole: Oh, does he/she like me back? you have to think: Can they handle this?.
When Kelso sees Jackie sick for the first time, he kind of freaks out...
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| Hopefully, it's not as dramatic as this. |
The truth is, when you have a chronic illness, you come with a certain level of baggage and when someone wants to be part of you life in a way that relationships tend to be, you can't hide the realities of your illness from them for very long. Or, at least I can't.
How do you tell them that you have an illness? I don't really know.
I'm no expert. I'm almost 20, I've had approximately 6 relationships that lasted either 2 months or longer and I'm currently in my 7th (and VERY HAPPY!). I've had a lot of experiences with dating. Some guys could handle it, some couldn't. Some wanted to be involved, some didn't even really acknowledge my illness. Some wanted to take care of me, some wanted to support me in taking care of myself.
It was a situation that changed with every relationship I had.
The ones who got scared off and ran away obviously weren't going to work out. Funny enough, the ones that were the opposite were never going to work out either. The ones that wanted to take care of me threw off the balance of the relationship, making less of an equal partnership. The ones who didn't really acknowledge my illness dated me when I was healthy, it was fun, but I felt like the relationship wasn't completely honest, because I knew it was only a matter of time before I got sick again, and then they would be tested. Luckily, the relationships fizzled out before my remission did.
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| Noah loved Ally, even when she got sick. |
The longest relationship I had was with a boy who had type 1 diabetes. We really bonded over having chronic illnesses and it lasted for about a year. But there were flaws in that relationships that eventually caused it's end. Despite the connection I felt with him over our health issues I don't feel like the only way I can have a successful and understanding relationship is with another person who has a chronic illness. I think that's a bit unfair to healthy people, they deserve a bit more faith.
Consider this post 1 on this topic. I'll return to it. Probably several times.
