"You look good!" "You say that to me no matter what I look like" "No, you actually look good!"
The phenomenon of the invisible illness is no stranger to many who suffer from chronic illnesses. Despite what a lot of activists may say, having an invisible illness is BOTH a blessing and a curse.
Yes, it sucks that you look healthy despite feeling shitty on the inside. Yes, it blows that you have to literally convince people that you have a serious disease, syndrome or condition that literally qualifies you for disability status despite the fact that you're not in a wheel chair or emaciated or bald (hint hint nudge nudge cancer). Yes, it sucks that even better, sometimes, you can't explain a cause, reasoning or cure for your illness.
It can be a HUGE advantage to have your super power of invisibility sometimes. This is how I choose to look at it. The blessings of having an invisible illness are almost as plentiful as the negatives.
Here is a list of positives to help keep the silver lining on your invisibility cloak:
- You don't have to tell anyone what you have or why you have it if you don't want to. I'm a person that values the ability to choose who I share my business with and who I don't.
- You are not immediately stigmatized by your illness, you have the power to present yourself as a healthy individual, and take full advantage of NOT being labeled by your illness. This is especially helpful for things like job interviews, school applications, and first off meetings, I know my friends who suffer from mental illness feel me here.
- When you're healthy, you're really healthy. On the outside too. People who have chronic illnesses that impair their mobility can experience healthy times too, but they still display their illness on the outside much like a pregnant lady displays the sex she had 8 and a half months ago.
But what happens when you lose your super power? I know how that feels. I'm currently going through daily steroid infusions to get me in tip top shape before I go on vacation with my family (YAAAAY!!!!!) but it means that they accessed my portacath and leave my IV in for 5 days. I live in a city where I walk everywhere, and it's hot right now. Yesterday it was 31 degrees Celsius (88F) with humity of 69%. So it wasn't like I was going to wear a turtle neck to cover my chest IV. Walking down the side of the road and literally having everyone, guys and girls check out your rack, oops I mean, IV site, makes me feel strangely naked. I'm not ashamed, or shy about having Crohn's, but I dislike the sympathetic smiles they give me when they meet my eyes, or their furrowed brows as I imagine them evaluating their day and thinking "Ok, my life isn't so bad". It's weird. I miss my invisibility.
My invisibility gives me the ability not to be defined by the public as my disease. This is important because EVERYONE is more than their diagnosis.
That way you know when he (or she) looks at you, its for you, not your illness.
