Itsy Bitsy Quitsy

Itsy Bitsy Quitsy

Itsy Bitsy had a hard life, it started out though much more light.

From 1-11 Itsy was Bitsy and she stayed so from morning til night.

But Itsy Bitsy turned Gutsy Wutsy on the eve of number 12

And suddenly Itsy wasn’t just Bitsy she was Quitsy as well.

Itsy liked to munch and crunch but then that started to hurt

Because the Quitsy was so strong it got the heart the worst.

No more munch and no more crunch, just swallows and slurps and beads.

Sometimes even slurps did hurt, and Itsy was put on feeds.

Although the beads looked like little pearls, it was hard to hide, that

Itsy’s pearls whirled her world into a bigger size. 

At numbers 12-13 she sat on a weighty throne

Of 15 higher than her friends and 20 of her foes.

At 14 Itsy wasn’t as bitsy as she used to be,

She took matters into her own hands to be a teeny weeny.

The problem is, the heart goes quitsy when you’re too teeny weeny

And Itsy Bitsy didn’t let it happen, even to be leany.

So Itsy had to stop her head heart from going quitsy.

So she swallowed and slurped and beaded and pearled her way back up to bitsy.

Number 16-19 were the time when Biggie went and quitsied,

Slowly, slowly like a slug so lowly, Biggie had turned to shitsy.

But Itsy Bitsy was a fighter now, so she took the leap

She let go of biggie, and did the baggie boogie beep.

The problem was with Biggie gone, Glurpie reared its’ head.

Glurpie like to be the boss, but “No!” Itsy said!

With Glurpie around, Itsy’s breathers and weavers and filters alike,

Started to go Quitsy a little more each night.

But Itsy knew just to hold on a few more days or so,

And then she’d go to the chamber where they cut and sew.

The took her out and put her in and turned her inside up,

They tweaked the bleak and thankfully, Itsy had some luck.

A few more minutes went and passed and Bitsy thought she was fine

She walked and talked and smiled, but couldn’t wine or dine.

In she went to get fixed “once more” she said.

Because Itsy was Bitsy and still she wasn’t dead.

But, this time she fell, the lowest fall to date

This was a new one, a scary new one, a new Quitsy fate.

The little beans on top of Biggers had decided to go Quitsy,

As sad as Itsy was, she had faith in that she was bitsy.

The little broken beans inside her, on her face put a grin.

Because despite the Quitsy Biggie and Beans,

She would climb a mountain.

To be continued…

A Chronically Magic Vacation

"Can I get the chicken fingers and fries?" "Kids or adults?" 

I just got back from an amazing family vacation. That's right. I went to Disney World. It was a dream come true. I did rides, saw princesses. experienced countries in Epcot, stayed at a resort, I couldn't have asked for a more fun time. Unless of course I could have been healthy during it.

Despite the fact that I prepped for the vacation by doing a course of IV steroids for preparation, staying on a good 50mg of prednisone each day. I took my medications religiously, but yet somehow I got sicker while I was down there. 

The first couple of days I went ham. I walked up to 5-6 hours a day, stayed out late with my dad, and had a blast. Doing this, I burnt out quickly. by the third day I started getting so much pain, having to use the bathroom a lot and got totally exhausted after only a few minutes of walking. After a particularly bad episode of pain only at about 9am, my family convinced me to allow them to rent a wheelchair for me. I wasn't pleased. I hate it when my disease can impact my life like that. 

Being sick in the most magical place in the world, was quite an experience. As much as it sucked, there was an element of humour around the whole thing. I turn 20 at the end of July (I know, big deal.) but due to my baby face, short height, and small stature (a lot of which is caused by my Crohn's) I look a lot younger than I am. The most recent guestimation of my age was 14....

I milk it and I'll appreciate it when I'm older. 

However, put me in a wheelchair, in Disney World, add on my young look, pale/sickly complexion, and the tiny tiara I stuck in my top knot of thin hair, I was treated literally like a child. Employees gave me sympathetic smiles, wished me to have a "Magical Day" at every corner, and held out giant push Mickey hands asking for high fives... I was tickled that they thought I was so young.

I highly doubt if I actually looked 20 years old, or at 16 but healthy, they would have talked to me in that sing song overly peppy voice. I didn't mind it though, they were doing their job, selling the magic. 

And despite the fact that I couldn't walk for over half the vacation, I still had a magical time. 

I'll be back to the daily posts now!    

Me and Caffeine

"Should you be drinking that?" "Probably not, but I don't care"

Coffee. Tea. Dark Pop. 

I can't let a day go by without starting off my day with a nice hot beverage full of the wakey-wakey chemical. I will literally fall asleep without it. I attribute most of that to being raised in a very European style (I'm half Dutch), and started drinking tea every morning when I was about 8 years old. 

However, there is nothing, I repeat nothing, good about caffeine for people with Crohn's. A full bodied cup of dark roast has even the healthiest gut rushing to the toilet in a half hour. For someone with Crohn's, caffeine is like kryptonite, yet a lot of I've met people with the diagnosis indulge in even more than the daily cup of joe. 

It's a really hard balance to achieve. As mentioned previously in one of my posts, one of the most debilitating symptoms of Crohn's disease is fatigue. Caffeine is fake energy, but it comes with a price. You have to be choosy. The internal debate of "Do I stay tired or do I use the bathroom a few more times?" "Do I stay awake to write this paper and suffer through the pain, or do I give up and beg for a deadline extension?" is relentless. I tend to choose the more painful, frequent trips to the bathroom over missing out on something I want to do, even if I feel ill. When I'm in a huge flare (I'm talking hospitalization) I tend to stop the caffeine, mostly on account of my doctors not allowing me to have it, but give it a few weeks back at home and I'm right back on it.

I LOVE meeting a friend for coffee, sitting down with a cup of tea to write, or having an ice cold diet pepsi on a hot day. Caffeine is the gut stabbing friend that I just can't seem to do without, nor do I plan to.

The Downward Spiral to Diagnosis

"I have to use the bathroom" "Again?"

It started when I was 11. I remember the exact moment I first felt Crohn's pain. I was at choir camp. It hurt, but somehow I knew I needed to use the bathroom. So I did, and it went away. I thought nothing of it. But it happened the next day. And the day after that. And every day for the next year, every time I had to use the bathroom. 

This sign is my saviour.

I was ok. I coped all through grade 6. I did well. Then after school ended for the year, everything changed. I started having more pain, I was tired all the time, I had to get up to use the bathroom multiple times a night. I had no appetite. I started using the bathroom over 12 times a day, because of this I started losing weight rapidly. By the time I was diagnosed I had plummeted to a scary 85 pounds at my current adult height. I was so pale, and I started passing blood when I went to the bathroom, making me feel even worse. It got to a point where I ate half a sub for three days. Not half a sub each day, one, six inch sub for three days. I began to have the most excruciating pain when I swallowed anything. Even water. If you've ever swallowed a potato chip  and had a sharp edge drag down your throat, you know, the pain radiates to your chest and back and you can't breath. That was the kind of pain I had every time I swallowed.

My parents knew something was very wrong, so they brought me into our family doctor who ordered blood work. I cant remember what the results were, but they were not good. In less than two weeks I had an indium scan done. It's this test where they take a ton of your blood, dye your white cells with radio active dye, put them back in you, then take XRays. The dye makes you light up like a Christmas tree in the spots where your white cells go.

That test was enough to convince the doctors at the hospital that I needed an endoscopy and colonoscopy almost immediately. About two weeks later I had that done. I remember being terrified of going into the operating room alone, worrying that I would have to wake up in the middle of the scope to use the bathroom... I obviously did not have a clear understanding of how anaesthesia works. 

When I woke up I was taken to a hospital room, and my parents quietly told me that I was probably going to have to stay at the hospital for a few days. I cried when they said that. Then, the gastrointerologist that had performed the scope on me came in and said the rock solid words that would change me forever: "Yes, you have Crohn's Disease". 

Jack Mercury

"Some people are born sick, some people achieve sickness, and some people have sickness thrust upon them." - Not Shakespeare. 

I'm Jack Mercury, and I had sickness thrust upon me. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease two weeks after I turned 12. That was almost 8 years ago. This unpredictable, chronic, and morbid condition has impacted me in ways that I never imagined possible and it's time to share it.

This blog will entail chronicles of my life, as someone who continues to pursue life, despite all of my challenges.

When you're sick, your perspective changes. So here is mine.

Thank you for stopping by. Be sure to check out my youtube channel: chronicallybeautiful12