On My Own, With No One Here Beside Me

I've been pretty independent as long as I can remember.  A little kid I'd sit and play by myself, or read, or pick at flowers and grass. I didn't need anyone to entertain me really. I had that DOWN.

As I got older this trend continued. My parents consider me very responsible, letting me go to our local playground without them before many of the other neighbourhood parents did the same.  Booya I have cool parents. 

I was babysitting by the time I was 10, and I had my first formal employment teaching kids gymnastics at age 13. Since then I've almost always had two part time jobs. I got my learners license the day I turned 16, I was EAGER to spend my birthday in the DMV if it meant more independence.

I moved out of my parents house when had just turned 18 to go into university residence and I never looked back. 

So what's the point? You may be asking yourself. Jack blogs about Crohn's, and chronic illness and some beauty related things. What is she rambling on about????

Is the fact that I have a lot of pride. Not like in that excessive way that religion says, more just like, I don't like to accept my own circumstances. When my Crohn's flares up, I lose a lot of my independence, and its one of the most frustrating things I have to deal with. 

Right now I'm pretty sick. So I've lost my ability to walk to work. So I either have to have my mom drive me, or take a cab. 

On weekends I come home to get my parents to help me with my laundry. 

My roommate and boyfriend help me cook and make sure I'm eating. 

I'm so lucky to have people in my life that care enough to support me through this, but damn I wish I could just do it myself. I feel like a burden and a constant pain to them, and if I could, I would be doing everything on my own. Believe me I would. I hate feeling like this. I feel like a little girl that can't take care of herself and that is so frustrating. 

I swear when I'm well again I'm going to be so independent. It'll be fantastic.