A Positive Struggle

"I just feel like everything is so overwhelming right now" "That's totally normal"

Amidst all the drama of my surgery, a close family friend of ours was diagnosed with cancer and very unexpectedly passed away. It was very fast, sudden, and no one really saw it coming, at least not this soon. It was my best friend's mother, and my mom's best friend. They met in prenatal classes and me and my bff were born 3 days apart. Needless to say, she was like my second mom.

With all of this happening and the amount of time I've had to be by myself and think, I've really had things put into perspective.

I've had a hard time dealing with the impact of my surgery and that's made it hard to keep positive. 

As a mental exercise, whenever I'm out and about I try to notice things that I'm grateful for, or notice things or people that I'm more fortunate than.  Needless to say this Thanksgiving, I will be very prepared. 

I feel like this has been a great way for me to try and keep humbled about my life. My surgery was life altering, but it wasn't life stopping, in fact, it was life saving. I just need to remember that and focus on the good and not the bad. I'm adding a page to my blog called "Positives" where I'm going to list all the stuff I think of. 

I hope all you spoonies are staying happy and healthy <3

My Crazy Roommates

"They're crazy. All of them!"

Roommates are difficult to live with when you spend months planning, deciding and agreeing with when you are about to live with some of your best and closest friends. Getting strangers as roommates is QUITE the experience. Let me fill you in on some of the characters I had to share a living space with over the past month.

Nervous Nelly - This girl was a few years older than me, the only other patient under 60. She was only there for one night. They wheeled her in in the evening, and she got very upset that she wasn't in a private room. I mean, come on, you're there for ONE NIGHT. The next day when doctors removed her stitches she nearly had an anxiety attack. It was exhausting to be around someone who was so on edge.

Bedpan - This woman had been in the hospital since October. Like forever. I dont know what she was in for, but it wasn't good and she was on 5 days bed rest. Which meant she used the bed pan. Ew. One time she had a phone conversation WHILE TAKING A DUMP ON THE BED PAN.....I don't understand why these people exist...

Dilaudid Queen - This woman was small and spry and a smoker and she looooooved her dilaudid. She took more meds in her week after surgery than I did in my 21 days. She would request a 4mg dilaudid and then another 2mg breakthrough tab less than an hour later. Not good. 2mg was what they would give me the whole time, even after my surgery. Towards the end she would request pain meds, nap, then go for a long walk...someone in that much pain wouldn't be able to walk much. Just sayin'.

The Whale - This woman had a weight problem. I feel bad nicknaming her the whale, but I couldn't come up with something that wasn't mean at all. She had a stomach stapling surgery, and for her sake, thank god. Her weight was obviously at a very risky level. She had to turn sideways to get in the bathroom, and that was all the walking she did. I felt bad for her actually because I would pass my evenings eating chips and soda crackers with margarine while she was only allowed broths. Ouch. I love food. I hope things go well for her. 

The Grinch - This woman was in the bed accross from me who sat there looking sour all hours of the day. She won the curtain off with me. This basically means we had a stand off. She won. I drew my curtain, sacrificing space for minimal privacy. I never forgave her for that.  

Nurse Ratchet - Well, well, well, Nurse Ratchet. What a character. This woman was a retired nurse, which is essentially all of the nurses worst nightmare. I once heard an experienced nurse use the phrase that nurses "eat their young". This is what Nurse Ratchet did. Every little thing that a nurse would do she would nitpick apart, criticize and complain about. She also made them remove her catheter right after her surgery, despite the fact that she had a bladder condition. She used a commode. She would hop on the commode and ride that thing like a motor cycle. It was traumatizing. She was just so awful to the nurses. They didn't deserve it. 

The Forgetful Commode - There was this little old lady, literally, she was 90, who was in the bed next to me for some part of it. The poor dear had Alzheimer's. But oh my goodness that sure made things so irritating. She would wake up in the middle of the night and pull up the curtain and ask me where she was. She also never called the nurses when her IV beeped off, so eventually I just started doing it for her. It was sad that she was losing her memory, but it made being her roommate a job in and of itself. 

Mrs. Cranky - Mrs. Cranky. Where do I even begin? This lady was probably in her 80s. I don't think she had a very major surgery done, but boy oh boy she made a big deal of it. She wasn't losing her memory, but she was losing her hearing and her marbles. She was almost completely deaf, which meant that all the staff had to basically yell at her so that she could hear them, which meant some very abrupt wakeup calls for me in the middle of the night. Mrs. Cranky would sift in and out of sleep, randomly yelling in between her snoozes. One time, when my best friend was visiting me, she woke up, yelled "Debbie, I thought we were friends!" and promptly went back to sleep. Let me put it this way, there was no Debbie. At least not around us. Mrs. Cranky would refuse to use her incentive spirometer. She also refused to get up and even attempt to walk, stand, or even sit in a chair. She also abused the nurses. Playing mind games like yelling at them saying "I am requesting a transfer" or "Why are you punishing me? What did I ever do to you?" When they did nothing but cater to her every whim. Mrs. Cranky also had problems with incontinence. . . big problems. I'm talking 3 times in 2 hours in the middle of the night. Kill me. That mean 3 bed changes and a lot of yelling. Mrs. Cranky eventually ended up getting moved to a private room because of all the grief she caused. Lucky bitch. 

Needless to say, I never want to share my living space with anyone, ever again. 

How To Convince People You Aren't Disgusting

"It's been a week since I showered" "Really!?! I can't even tell"

When I was in the hospital I had a number of things attached to me post surgery. I had a catheter, a rectal drain, two IVs, oxygen, and a drain. I basically was an octopus, so there was no showering for a while.

What did I do to make myself seem less of a disgusting mess while not showering for a while? I'll tell you.

1. The Miracle of the Bird Bath

Well, this is pretty self explanatory, but you get a face cloth (or several) dip it in hot water, and scrub      your smelly bits. I'm talking armpits, under the boobs, groinal...

My personal favourite!

2. Antiperspirant

I'm sorry, but I don't care if you're all natural, and don't like the idea of shutting off your sweats, but if you're going more than 3 days without a shower, you need some 24/7 protection. 

She's got the right idea!

3. The Bun and the Band

Once your hair gets greasy, there isn't any saving it. You can use dry shampoo for a day or so, but honestly the product builds up and works against you. My go-to greasy hair cover up is a top knot and a stretchy headband. It works wonders and keeps your guests from thinking you're completely gone. 

First World Problems in the Hospital

"This place is insane"

I've spent 21 out of the past 30 days in hospital. No joke. It hasn't been a fun time. There has been a lot of pain, a few scary moments, a lot of visits from family, a few laughs, and a lot of healing. But today I bring a rant. 

I'm proud to be Canadian, one of my favourite things being a spoonie and Canadian is our health care system. It's free. Wonderfully free. Of those 21 days I spent in hospital, I had a major surgery, multiple scans, CTs, procedures etc and it didn't cost me a dime. But it's not without flaw.

The hospital I stayed in is disgusting. To the point where I questioned it thinking "Is this really Canada? Really?" The hospital I stayed in was built right after the Second World War, dating it enormously. The building is so old you can't even drink the water from the taps because the pipes contaminate the water. Ew. The bathrooms are so small there is hardly enough space for a person of my stature (5'2 and barely 120 pounds) and an IV pole, let alone a bigger person, and IV and a crisis! There was no air conditioning either, and in August, holy crap that was awful. 

I stayed in a ward, which means a room that has 4 beds in it. My roommates were seldom less than 45 years older than me. That sucked. Having roommates at all was awful. The room was cramped and crowded, there was absolutely no privacy, as only thin curtains divided the space. If I was in pain, my roommates heard it. If they were in pain, I heard it. Night time was a nightmare because not only my IV pump would wake me up, but so would the other three womens'. 

The other thing that really got me was how sick the other patients were and how little was being done to protect us from each other. The other patient, I don't know if it was the stubbornness that came with old age, depression due to illness, or what, but they were SO SICK. Like, couldn't get up to use the bathroom sick. I was introduced to the concept of bedpans and commodes over this hospitalization. EW. When you hear someone literally beside you pooping and peeing you get freaked out. That's disgusting, and dirty. And sometimes they wouldn't ask the nurse to clean it for hours and it would reek.

A lot of the patients were very uncompliant as well. They would refuse to try and get up and walk to aid their recovery, or use their incentive spirometers to regain full use of their lungs after surgery. They would complain about catheters, IVs, food, lack of food, nurse's attitudes, nurse's organization and methods, doctor's schedules, and just about anything else they could think of. 

I can't believe this is acceptable hospital procedure in a country as nice as Canada. I know it seems selfish and naive, but good lord no hospital should be built ever again that without only private rooms. Honestly. it is near impossible to get a private or a semi private room in that hospital because there are only 1 or 2, per unit even though they don't really take up that much more space. 

The part that enrages me the most was that a private room was given to a particularly horrible roommate of mine because she was so awful. I tell no lies. She was just so awful to the nurses and the other patients, so disruptive to our sleep and recovery that she was moved into a private room, despite the fact that she was probably the most uncompliant patient ever. Lucky bitch. 

The truth is, I shouldn't complain, I was treated very well, the nurses were amazing and totally run off their feet. I'm getting better. But let me add one FINAL insult to injury: there was no wifi. 

I'm a Liar Obviously

"I am here to stay" "Good job"

So, in my last post I said I would be back more regularly. Obviously I lied. Forgive me, I ended up in the hospital with an abscess and needed antibiotics, a drain and fluids.

Now I'm home again (with wifi finally yay!) and am in a "home hospital". Luckily, I was able to get a portable IV pump called a CADD (I don't know what that stands for) so I can do the IV antibiotic, one called ampicillin from home. It's awesome. I still have a perk drain in my side and the antibiotics/pump are heavy, but it is MILES better than being in the hospital. That place, is a nightmare. I'm going to have so many posts just to talk about all of my "experiences" in the hospital. From roommates to recovery, I've got a LOT of material to cover.