A Positive Struggle

"I just feel like everything is so overwhelming right now" "That's totally normal"

Amidst all the drama of my surgery, a close family friend of ours was diagnosed with cancer and very unexpectedly passed away. It was very fast, sudden, and no one really saw it coming, at least not this soon. It was my best friend's mother, and my mom's best friend. They met in prenatal classes and me and my bff were born 3 days apart. Needless to say, she was like my second mom.

With all of this happening and the amount of time I've had to be by myself and think, I've really had things put into perspective.

I've had a hard time dealing with the impact of my surgery and that's made it hard to keep positive. 

As a mental exercise, whenever I'm out and about I try to notice things that I'm grateful for, or notice things or people that I'm more fortunate than.  Needless to say this Thanksgiving, I will be very prepared. 

I feel like this has been a great way for me to try and keep humbled about my life. My surgery was life altering, but it wasn't life stopping, in fact, it was life saving. I just need to remember that and focus on the good and not the bad. I'm adding a page to my blog called "Positives" where I'm going to list all the stuff I think of. 

I hope all you spoonies are staying happy and healthy <3

The Dark Side of Peer Support

"What meds are you on?" "Remicade" "Oh, I was on that a couple years back, I hope it works for you"

The old saying "misery loves company" could have been written by people with chronic illnesses. However, I've found that spending too much time with other Crohnies can sometimes generate more misery than it alleviates.

As a young IBD patient, I was routinely recommended to attend IBD patient meet ups, which gave kind of a support group atmosphere. The problem is that if you cram a bunch of teenagers, with the exact same illness from a very small area into a room for a couple hours. Things get personal and angsty. Fast. 

These meet ups, instead of making me feel like I was less alone in having a chronic illness, and more justified and intensified my feelings of "why me?", anger and hostility towards my illness, body, and even caregivers. This was NOT a productive or enjoyable attitude to have. 

I made a certain friend who also had Crohn's and her outlook corrupted me to be untrusting to my doctor, and generally feel like "the world did this to me". It was awful.

Luckily after only a short time I realized how ridiculous this whole viewpoint was. I cut my ties with her, and have since been reluctant to make friends with other IBDers. 

However, I did NOT cut myself off from peer support. I find it extremely positive to connect with other people with chronic illnesses. When you're in a mix, everyone shares sympathies of difficulty dealing with the burden of illness, feeling isolated and depressed, dealing with medications and side effects and other commonalities. But no one shares the exact same doctor, exact same symptoms or exact same stories. 

This has been my way of finding peer support that actually benefitted me, rather than dragging me down into a dark abyss of negativity.