A Different Fear of Flying

"I'm going on vacation with my family" "I hope you're feeling 100% by then!"

This WILL be my family. Awww.

I fear travelling and I blame it on my Crohn's disease. I love being in new places, seeing new things, experiencing a different culture (ok, I'm going to the states from Canada, but you'd be surprised by the difference). But constantly being in fear of getting sick or, even more pressingly, needing to be by a bathroom at all times in a foreign place makes me beyond anxious. We've been planning our family vacation to the south for about 10 months, and I've been having anxiety dreams about it for the last 4 of those. 

There are the regular travel stresses: airport security, packing, just getting where you need to be when you need to be there. But when you have an illness you have a TON of other things to be concerned about. 

This is pretty much me. 

I have to make sure all your meds are in their original containers and they take up a LOT of space in your carry on so you have to account for that.

I have to be careful about metal detectors if you have anything not quite human inside you, i.e. my portacath. I get searched just about every time I fly. 

I am fearful of all the germs and recycled air that stays on the plane. I can't remember the last time I flew and didn't pick up a virus. 

I just got a new medic alert bracelet so that if I faint or something in the land of the free whoever attends to me will know what's all going on. 

I acquired anxiety medication for the flight because being in a situation with limited bathroom access pretty much makes me panic.

 I won't eat before going on the plane. I'm probably going to settle in for about 6 hours without food, which sounds bad, but is SO much better than awakening the beastly colon. 

Except put the meds in original containers.

It's just funny because I'm afraid of flying, but for totally different reasons than the normal person. 

Me and Caffeine

"Should you be drinking that?" "Probably not, but I don't care"

Coffee. Tea. Dark Pop. 

I can't let a day go by without starting off my day with a nice hot beverage full of the wakey-wakey chemical. I will literally fall asleep without it. I attribute most of that to being raised in a very European style (I'm half Dutch), and started drinking tea every morning when I was about 8 years old. 

However, there is nothing, I repeat nothing, good about caffeine for people with Crohn's. A full bodied cup of dark roast has even the healthiest gut rushing to the toilet in a half hour. For someone with Crohn's, caffeine is like kryptonite, yet a lot of I've met people with the diagnosis indulge in even more than the daily cup of joe. 

It's a really hard balance to achieve. As mentioned previously in one of my posts, one of the most debilitating symptoms of Crohn's disease is fatigue. Caffeine is fake energy, but it comes with a price. You have to be choosy. The internal debate of "Do I stay tired or do I use the bathroom a few more times?" "Do I stay awake to write this paper and suffer through the pain, or do I give up and beg for a deadline extension?" is relentless. I tend to choose the more painful, frequent trips to the bathroom over missing out on something I want to do, even if I feel ill. When I'm in a huge flare (I'm talking hospitalization) I tend to stop the caffeine, mostly on account of my doctors not allowing me to have it, but give it a few weeks back at home and I'm right back on it.

I LOVE meeting a friend for coffee, sitting down with a cup of tea to write, or having an ice cold diet pepsi on a hot day. Caffeine is the gut stabbing friend that I just can't seem to do without, nor do I plan to.

Meat and Potatoes

"So you must have to be really careful about what you eat then, eh?" "Well, it depends."

When people think of eating to be healthy, they tend to immediately picture fruits, vegetables, whole grains and nuts. Mmmmm....nothing like a hot delicious salad! 

However, when you have active Crohn's disease, you would probably be better off pouring battery acid down your throat and praying for mercy. 

When I'm in a flare, I eat what would be considered the most unhealthy diet imaginable. Low fibre, high sodium, high fat, high carb, no dairy. 

White bread is my staple food, it makes up about 40% of my diet alone, followed closely by white rice. I eat sandwiches on white bread, with sliced turkey and a swish of mayonnaise at least once, if not twice a day. I rely on bacon, eggs, hot dogs and smoked salmon for protein. I have to limit my produce intake to about one serving a day, except for bananas, they're ok. Apples, broccoli, spicy foods like curry and thai food, cabbage, turnip, and carrots are completely off limits, all of which I learned the hard way. 

Although this diet may seem like every 8 year olds' dream, it gets bland pretty quickly. Every once in a while I give in a have a humungous stir fry or salad, and pay every bit of the price. Let me tell you, usually, it's worth every penny. 

This is what I've found affects me when I'm in a flare, no one's disease is the same. Other people I know live off of Boost and Ensure when they're sick. Other people go with steak and potatoes. This is just my own experience.

 But there is something you have to understand. Foods can worsen or trigger symptoms, but they cannot put you in a flare. Eating a piece of broccoli cannot warp your immune system into attacking your digestive system. That's just silly. 

When I'm well, I have so much more freedom with my food choices. I can have salad with my supper, berries on my oatmeal and just about as much melon as my heart desires. I still tend to avoid my trigger foods, but when my disease is in remission and under control, the reigning hand of the heart unhealthy diet loosens its' grip on my colon. 

A Pain in the Butt

"I'm not feeling well today". "Oh" Backs up a step. "No, don't worry, it's just my Crohn's. Not contagious" "Oh, what's Crohn's?" Sigh. 

Crohn's disease is an autoimmune disease that affects the digestive system causing inflammation occurring at any location of the digestive system. Symptoms include but are not inclusive nor limited to:  increased inflammatory markers in blood work, decreased appetite, malnutrition, weight loss, blood loss, fatigue, joint pain, red eyes, sore eyes, head aches, increased frequency in bowel movements, increased urgency in bowel movements, pain, lots of pain, more pain, and diarrhea.

Sexy.

Somewhere between me finishing elementary school and starting junior high (awkward stage for any adolescent at BEST) my immune system got confused. The poor thing was probably trying to figure out what fashion was, how to get boys to notice me or not notice me, panicking at the impending thought of being a teenager and totally thought that my digestive system was a threat to my survival. It launched a full blown attack, like that scene in Braveheart right after all the scots show their butts. It was brutal, but that will be another post in and of itself. 

Regardless, the primary symptoms I exhibit of my Crohn's is pain in my left lower quadrant (that lower quarter of my stomach on the left), increased frequency in bowel movements, increased urgency in bowel movements, fatigue, and diarrhea. My disease is primarily located in my stomach, ileum, and pretty much my whole colon. I've also had episceritis which is an inflammation of the white part of my eyes. 

This is what Crohn's disease is to me. Literally a shitty disease. A pain in the butt. 

Jack Mercury

"Some people are born sick, some people achieve sickness, and some people have sickness thrust upon them." - Not Shakespeare. 

I'm Jack Mercury, and I had sickness thrust upon me. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease two weeks after I turned 12. That was almost 8 years ago. This unpredictable, chronic, and morbid condition has impacted me in ways that I never imagined possible and it's time to share it.

This blog will entail chronicles of my life, as someone who continues to pursue life, despite all of my challenges.

When you're sick, your perspective changes. So here is mine.

Thank you for stopping by. Be sure to check out my youtube channel: chronicallybeautiful12